Boy Breaks Homework Record

History was made the other day when ten-year old Owen Montgomery completed his homework in five hours and two minutes, shattering the record of five hours and six minutes established by ten-year old Alex Floss in 1937.

Here is the account of the spectacular feat as recorded by Owen’s father, Eddie:

2:45 PM. Owen, who is in fifth grade and his sister Michelle, who is in third, burst through the front door and into the kitchen battling valiantly for possession of the last pudding cup.

3:00 PM. After two tiny servings of pudding, my wife announces it is time for homework, signifying the moment where the paths of brother and sister diverge even though they remain less than a couple of feet apart at the kitchen table. Michelle follows the path leading to the completion of her homework while Owen pretends his pencil is a robot.

Note: Michelle loves school and her homework is always complete, always correct, and with penmanship so neat, you'd swear her imaginary friend was a typesetter. Owen is very bright but hates homework, and when confronted with it, displays the symptoms of someone who has been in a room filled with ether. While Michelle is finished within the hour, that is often the minimum amount of time it takes for my wife to fully comprehend what my son's homework assignments are for the day, and which books needed to complete those assignments are still sitting in his desk at school.

4:00 PM. After comprehending what Owen’s homework assignments are, he and my wife return to school to retrieve his math workbook and social studies book.

4:30 PM. My wife explains to Owen that his math homework requires him to show the mean, median, mode and range for the list of numbers in his workbook. Our son explains to his mother that he remembers the terms but not exactly. My wife admits the same and asks to see the math book. Our son informs her that the math book is at school. My wife asks him to explain why the math book is in school when she asked him not more than half an hour ago to identify what books he needed for his homework. Owen gets up to sharpen his robot. My wife instructs him to start on his social studies homework while she searches the web for the math information.

4:50 PM. My wife returns and asks to see the social studies homework Owen has been working on for the last 20 minutes. He says, "I thought you only told me to get the book out."

5:05 PM. Owen is allowed to come out of his room. Math homework recommences.

5:15 PM. Owen excuses himself to use the bathroom.

5:30 PM. My wife runs upstairs to find out if our son has collapsed in the bathroom. Luckily he is still alive and watching TV. His vital signs are strong.

5:45 PM. Owen is allowed to come out of his room. Math homework recommences.

6:18 PM. Math homework checks out and dinner begins. Everyone seems to be having a good time except my wife, who refuses to look up from a travel magazine.

6:27 PM. Dinner ends abruptly to make way for social studies. Owen must memorize all the U.S. states and capitals and where they exist on the map for an upcoming test. My wife instructs him to begin writing down all fifty states in alphabetical order so he can memorize them first. Owen insists he doesn't need to write them down, he knows them all already. My wife asks him to identify them.

6:28 PM. Owen begins to write down the names of all fifty states…

7:00 PM. Social studies ends and English homework commences. Owen must write the spelling words for the week five times each and then use each word in a sentence.

7:30 PM. My wife examines his spelling first. She informs me that our son has an excellent chance of becoming a doctor because his penmanship is almost completely illegible. She tells Owen to rewrite the words. Owen insists he doesn't have to do that because the teacher never looks at the words. My wife starts to speak but then opts for her more ominous stare, which compels our son to begin his rewrite.

8:00 PM. Exhausted, my wife asks me to review Owen’s sentences while she searches for a bottle of schnapps she remembers receiving last Christmas.

8:10 PM. Owen presents his completed sentences to me.

8:12 PM. Two are closer to haiku poems than sentences but I let it slide after one look at our son's beaming face as he realizes homework is finished and it's not even 8:30 yet. Our son has shattered the world homework record for ten-year old boys!

Not one to rest on his laurels, Owen intends to break his own record again this year and believes his chances are excellent if he can convince his mother to stop meddling.